I take too long to write, and I'm pretty fast at typing, so here is this:

Why the fuck do I still love you? You never respond to me when I finally get online for the day, and I really do know that you're never going to love me again. You'll never, ever look at me the same way you did before that fucking coma. I took you for granted and left you alone. I thought you'd always be there for me and love me, but as usual I was wrong. You're gone. You're gone and I'm all alone. But I can't get you out of my head, out of my heart. You're still there, but you're not. You're still with me, but you're not. I still love you, but you'll never love me again. You always hated it when I said I was sorry, so there's no sense in apologizing now. You won't leave me alone, but you're not even talking to me. I hate you. I hate you, but I love you. I still love you. I'll never win your heart back, and I'll never raise enough money to see you in person. You're the only person I've loved, and you're the only person who's truly loved me. You're the only person I have ever felt so extremely close to. You're my ONLY ONE. I HATE YOU but I LOVE YOU. I want you OUT of my HEAD and OUT of my HEART but I continue to want you in my ARMS and by my SIDE. I'm so confused, but I know what I want. I don't know what to do, and yet I do. I can't raise enough money to visit you like I wanted to, even if I tried my hardest. I quit my job which was a mistake, but my parents won't take me to get another one and I can't drive on my own still. Plus, they won't let me work more than two times a week, and that's so slow earning cash. Even if I saved every penny earned, I wouldn't be able to earn enough for plane tickets for both myself and my mother, and my dad only earns enough to support our family. Buying my mom's laptop was a gigantic splurge. I can't do anything, and it's killing me faster and faster each passing day. I've never needed you more, and you've never been further away. Do the things I did not even matter? On Gaia, when we were on it so much, I sold EVERYTHING and gave you all my earnings so that you would be so much closer to getting your Nitemare scarf. Yet on MS, I did nothing but ruin your gaming experience... But what about all my drawings, sketches? All the wonderful images I created out of your love. What about all the inspiration you gave me that helped me to create my best works? What about ME? Am I just a bother now? A trigger of memories that you want to go away? Are you even reading any of this? I need you more than I ever have right now, more than I'll ever really know. When it comes right down to it, you're the only reason I'm even alive TODAY. Every morning, I wake up and pretend that you still love me. I go to sleep every night pretending that you still love me. Later I cry and I die that everything was all just a lie. I've written shitty poetry that will never earn your love. After all that I've done, I'll never earn your trust. And after this message, if you EVER do read it, I realize that you will never speak/respond to me ever again. But if you do read this, you'll know exactly what I'm feeling and that's all I want right now. I hope you have a wonderful future with a fantastic wife at your side. I hope your children are all angels and your house is beautiful both inside and out. I hope you will never remember me or the pain I've caused you. You'll never have to worry about me again, and you can be sure of that. I'll write them one last time, because you'll never remember them: I hate you, but I love you. Now goodbye... it's what you wanted, right?